i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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