Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
