i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
