I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
