There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
