i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize