When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
