your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
