So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
