..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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