Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
