some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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