im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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