All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
