All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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