Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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