Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
