Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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