FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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