Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
