The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
