her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
