she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
