so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
