so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
