Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize