How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize