You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
