So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
