I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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