I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
