just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
