Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
