mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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