you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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