Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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