stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
