Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dick very happy bro
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
