it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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