this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
