So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I can text with my tongue
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
