YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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