i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
