finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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