My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize