i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
