are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
