Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize