i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
