I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
