So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
