just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
