Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
