May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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