I showed him my bush... on skype.
he thought i was a dude.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
