I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
