I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
