did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize