do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
