Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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