there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize