but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
