is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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