I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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