Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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