You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
