I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
